I really don't like Reality Checks. I don't like change that much.
I don't like realizing that I'm ONLY human. I really don't have control, nor can I be in control.
I've been doing a lot of reading lately that has been humbling to me. Those that have had situations in their lives way worse than my own, yet have found ways to glorify God. Angie and Marsha have been so inspiring to me, but when little things around me start to crumble, so do I.
My life right now is as perfect as it can be. I have nothing to complain about, yet I've recently received news about my JOB (of all things) that could change the perfection. It's just a job. I like to think of it as my first career. It's not ending, it's just changing. Possibly. But I really don't like change that I don't get to choose.
The worst part in my mind, is that my job and so many others is in the hands of other people. I don't have a say or a choice in the matter. Now I realize that in life, I really don't have a say or a choice. God has chosen my path for me, but so often, His plan and my plan seem to mesh quite nicely. He's allowed for us to have a beautiful healthy child. For us to remain healthy and employed. For us the be spoiled. Yes I admit it. I'm spoiled, even as an adult. I have toys I don't need, so does my child. We have a freezer and fridge full of food. We have a fireplace AND a furnace to keep us warm. We've chosen this path.
And yet, when I'm told that in 9 months, I may have to change the location of my job (thats it people, the location), I crumble. I worry about myself. I don't want to do it. I don't want things to change. But, I may end up doing it, as much as I don't want to do it. Maybe that is what God wants me to do. Maybe I need that commute to find Him again, to reestablish that close relationship we once had. Maybe I just needed the announcement that this could happen, to make me realize that I'm not the one in control. He is in control.
My biggest concern about the possible impending changes is that I would not get to spend as much time with Rebekah. This hurts more than I can put into words. I want to spend Every moment I can with her, not less time because I'm commuting. But maybe, maybe this change is so that her and her dad can spend more time bonding together. Maybe God is trying to teach me more about sacrifice. Time as a sacrifice.
I won't know many details for at least another 6 months, but this will give me 6 months to wrap my mind around changes, spend as much time with Rebekah as I can, and work on my relationship with God. Please pray that His will is done in this matter, and that I can appreciate the new challenges it will pose, instead of focus on the negatives. Pray for me that I will strive harder towards strengthening my relationship with God. I miss the Me I used to be, and I think that my distance has a lot to do with it.